As a teenager preparing to break free and become your own person, you may have found many ways that you did not want to turn out like your mother. Maybe it was the way she disciplined, the way she cleaned, or other things about her that you swore you would do differently and then ended up doing things identically. There are behaviors that you do not need to emulate, cycles of dysfunction that you have the power to break. When it comes to addiction, you are not your mom.
Double the Dysfunction
Addiction is inherited genetically about half of the time. The environment usually plays a role the other half of the time. When your mother has an addiction, you inherit the genes, and you likely lived in an environment that was extremely dysfunctional because of her addiction.
When addiction passes from generation to generation, it is not merely genetics. Growing up in a household with family members in active addiction creates chaos and trauma, which can also lead to addiction. This is particularly true when it is your mother with the addiction because mothers traditionally have the role of nurturer and caregiver. Mothers in active addiction struggle to meet the needs of their children, which can compound the trauma. Also, having a genetic predisposition for addiction simply means that you got double the dysfunction.
You Are Your Own Person
Even if you also have an addiction, you are your own person. You do not need to do everything your mother did or do everything the same way she did. You know firsthand how it was to grow up with her behaviors in active addiction, and you do not need to replicate those behaviors for yourself or your current or future family. You can make different choices and take a different path. No matter how much you may have in common with your mom, your life is your own to lead.
Her Addiction Does Not Need to Define You
Growing up with a mom in active addiction can cause a lot of trauma and painful memories. At the very least, you probably have some embarrassing moments, and maybe the pain from her addiction and the associated behaviors is why you began drinking or using drugs. You do not need to let her addiction define you.
What happened to you as a child or even into adulthood was wrong and likely very painful. Perpetuating that cycle of pain just continues that pain for you and for future generations. Allowing her addiction to become your pain and then your addiction simply continues a cycle of pain that is unnecessary. The choice is yours. You can be a victim of your circumstances and keep doing what you are doing, or you can decide to take a stand and make a change in this vicious cycle.
Breaking the Cycle Begins With You
Change is never easy, and breaking the cycle of addiction and dysfunction takes courage. You are breaking traditions of pain that may have been generations in the making, and you are creating new traditions of health and safety. Your family may struggle to understand, and it is unlikely that you will receive support from them, but in the end, you will be making changes for the better.
Most importantly, you are making changes for yourself. Finding peace and healing for your own pain and your own addiction will free your life from this dysfunctional cycle. You will find clarity and purpose in your recovery journey. With hard work and determination, you can also find yourself again.
Creating a Better Environment for Your Posterity
Breaking the cycle is for you, and it is also about future generations. You can become the mother that is healthy and present, creating an environment of peace and harmony for your children to grow up in. You can give them the gift of emotional wellness. That is a gift that they will give to their children, and you will have created a new cycle of health and wellness in your family tree.
This will be hard, but with determination, this will work. This will be for you and for your children and their children. Knowing that you have the power to break the cycle of addiction, change your own destiny, change the destiny of your posterity, and create a new cycle of wellness, why wouldn’t you? You may look like your mother, you may talk like your mother, but you are not your mother. You are certainly not your mother’s addiction. The power is within you to change.
You are not your mother. You may have inherited addiction through both genetics and environment, but you can break the familial cycle of addiction and pain by finding your healing. You do not need to let her addiction define you; you do not need to let her pain haunt you anymore. You can create a better life for yourself and for your posterity. The Ho Tai Way – Recovery For Women understands the familial cycle of pain and addiction. We also know that women like you are powerful and can find healing through our residential treatment program for addiction. Our Costa Mesa, California, facility is a peaceful refuge from the storms of life. With our trauma-informed care, we can help you find your way again and forge a new path of wellness and recovery. Call us today at (714) 581-3974.
